What is your approach to life? Are you happy or sad, boring or exciting, enthused or unenthused, fulfilled or unfulfilled? Whatever attitude you bring to your life, will determine how you live your life. The attitude you bring to your marriage, will set the tone for your relationship.
A generous attitude has numerous benefits. You will find your own company more enjoyable. You will see your relationship grow to be strong and healthy. And you will enjoy carryover benefits in your work and social life.
Have you ever thought about the effect your attitude has on those around you? Our attitudes, unfortunately, are not something we can just keep to ourselves. Our attitude will either help to lift or flatten those around us.
Not only do our attitudes affect our behavior, they also affect our perceptions. Your attitude also determines how you see your relationship. Are you focused on the problems in your relationship? Or are you focused on the strengths?
When you focus on the problems, you are going to multiply problems in your marriage. What we focus on expands. You may have noticed this phenomena if you have ever purchased a car. When you start driving your car, you suddenly notice that there are a lot of cars just like yours on the road. The number of that type of car has not changed, what has changed is your focus.
The choice is ours; we can build or break our relationship through the attitude we approach it with. A negative, critical attitude will chip away at our relationship, until we finally prove what we knew all along that our relationship stinks and our partner has to go. Conversely, a positive, generous attitude can strengthen a shaky relationship until it is stable and healthy.
If you want to make, rather than break your relationship, then it is important to develop a generous attitude. The following are some examples of generous attitudes and the behaviors that flow from generous attitudes:
Generous Attitudes and Behaviors
1. Own your relationship. Accept responsibility for making your relationship work. Dont wait for your partner to make the first move.
2. Allow your relationship to stand firm in the midst crisis. Being fully committed to your relationship creates a safe place and no matter what may be going on it is not allowed to threaten your relationship.
3. Open up to your partner. Take down the barriers and share who you are with your partner. Instead of defensiveness, aim for understanding. There is a risk that you may get hurt, but this risk is counterbalanced by the opportunity for growth in your relationship. Also remember that it hurts to stay behind the barriers, feeling unloved.
4. Build your partner's self-esteem. When you help your partner feel good about themselves, you not only give them a reason to love you, you also make your marriage a welcoming place for them to be.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. When you have concerns to share, always be gentle and don't attack.
6. Don't judge your partner. Change your perspective, He/she is not wrong, just different.
7. Accept your partner. Allow your partner to have their preferences and be their own person. If their way of thinking or doing things is different than yours, dont personalize this to mean they dont care about you. Remember, this is not a comment on you, this is just the way your partner is.
8. Choose to be happy rather than right. When you set out to prove your partner wrong, you are always on dangerous ground. In a relationship, the question is not, Who is wrong and who is right? the question is, How can we make this work?
9. Recognize that some things are not a problem, they are simply a fact of life. There always will be some things in a marriage that are simply not negotiable. Accept these with grace and get on with life. Stop banging your head against a brick wall.
10. Focus on your friendship. Make your love an action rather than a feeling. Think, How can I be generous to my partner today? Be willing to put your money where your mouth is.
Approaching your marriage with a positive generous attitude is the way to create a lasting relationship. With the right attitude you can have the marriage you have always wanted. It is possible that your knight in shining armor is sitting right in front of you. All you have to do is start seeing the best in them and the best in your relationship.
Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine
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